Tag Archives: becoming

Aortic Musing

Its better to have loved and lost, than…

I was talking to a friend a little while ago, like most of our conversations the topics normally hover around food and relationships. Whilst both make the heart beat faster, especially food, the one that is more synonymous with hearts is relationships or love if you will. I suggested that wouldn’t it be great if we had a portal or window into the future and saw the person who you’d end up with. Like when you fast-forward a movie to reveal the plot. Wouldn’t it save a lot of time and hassle? Instead of wasting time with people who you will never connect with, just to be able to see the person you will ultimately have.

The notion sounds brilliant, some may argue that this distorts reality but don’t you feel this way sometimes. Where will I be in 10 years time? could reveal something you probably didn’t want to see. I keep trying to imagine my future, my life and relationships, I keep thinking about the ambivalent road ahead. The opacity is always overwhelming, so I reside myself to the strange thoughts in my head. The power of Why was discussed today and the power it holds, Why can I not see into the future? perhaps I am unworthy of the answer, or more harrowing, undeserving of one.

One thing I can be sure of is writing, there is no mystery in that, I muse, I write, I type in an endeavour to entertain. I weave words into the page and tantalise people, I suppose I will continue to do so. I sent a collection to a publisher to receive the usual rejection letter. I am afraid to be accepted now, fear I may have a heart attack if I were to receive an approval message. But the musing of the heart is a very powerful thing, the power of why is always present but the answer undoubtedly lies within the heart. I plan to unlock this through the continued conservation of my writing. Persistence does not require why.

Silence is Golden

“loose lips, sink ships”

Following on from my obsession with the orient and ninjas, there are a few more things I’d like to share. When I was younger, and still obsessed with ninjas, I’d always play computer games with ninjas in them. I loved creeping, hiding in the shadows, stalking targets and doing missions. It got so bad that I almost started doing that in real life, before someone entered the room I’d quietly hide somewhere, then jump out and scare them. Not a very healthy lifestyle, especially if you start doing that at work. You would need to keep quiet at all times otherwise the baddies would hear and come after you.

I suppose I will never get over ninjas but I won’t become one any time soon. I get criticised by friends at times for not hanging out, going on dinner outings or general get-togethers. I’ve become a social ninja of sorts, that I hardly have time for other people. My question is how do you pursue your dreams if everyone is trying to get you to come out. In our gatherings we always talk about strategies that will propel us to our desired horizons, but when you take steps towards them you get criticised for being unsociable. I believe if you have intelligent, understanding friends you won’t need to make allowances.

One advice a friends gave me, which he claims he doesn’t remember, was that if you have a dream, goal, aspiration etc keep quiet about it. His reasoning was that if you share your wishes with people, they’ll ridicule you and find weaknesses in the idea. This is normally out of malice, jealousy or they are dissatisfied with their own life and don’t want you to be happy. His words have wisdom, if you had the world’s most expensive diamond in your safe, you wouldn’t necessarily tell the whole town, boast at you coffers. No doubt you would be hated, probably robbed, its best to keep quiet.

I’ve had trouble keeping quiet in the past, I always got too excited about and idea, tell the world only to be shot down. But when others have “good ideas” they speak with such reverence for their own mediocrity, it actually makes me sick. Yes, I have known many hypocrites in my times, so before I become one, I do have something to share with you. At present I believe silence is Golden because I would rather show you than tell you. And you will see exactly what I mean when the time comes, on here on this fantastic website.